May 12th, 2010

12:28 am - The camel's back The camel is trying to deny that there was an injury to her back since yesterday afternoon. And trying to convince herself that she can still carry that last straw. Contrary to my choir mate's belief that I am usually vocal and would tell you if I am not happy with something, for the sake of maintaining peace and harmony, I have in this case kept silent. This is not my character, and you could say I actually feel worst keeping silent than confronting the person. In moments like this, I try to remember the words of Proverbs 15:18: "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel." But having said that, the camel cannot take any more straws. This time round, I will still give you the benefit of the doubt. But if you wish to prove me wrong, then I can only say that the next time round, I will have no choice but to feedback to you that I am very disappointed to be treated this way by you. (For the avoidance of doubt, this has nothing to do with Angel.) Current Mood: disappointed

(Lament!)

October 17th, 2009

10:13 pm - TAM-tation! "...and lead us not into temptation..." - Matthew 6:!3 I am tryng to resist temptation - you see, Angel's bro came back from Australia and brought back loads and loads of TIM TAMS. Not the boring plain chocolate ones that you get at the local supermarket, but a variety of yummy ones especially those from the "Sweet Surrender" range. And surrender I did, and out goes my diet plan. I had so many tim tams last weekend that I woke up the next day with a sore throat and couldn't cantor. Oops, now the truth is out. So since I am singing tomorrow, I am fighting the temptation to reach out for a yummy chocolatey caramel filled Tim Tam. Not to mention there is a brand new white chocolate pack which I bought from Candy Empire. Yes, I discovered that you can get them from the heavenly Candy Empire! Woo hoo! Oh, the nice thing about being married to the Angel of Music is that I can run through countless rounds of my Psalm plus customise what I want on the electone. Hee. Current Mood: content Current Music: Angel's playing Servant Song now...

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October 7th, 2009

12:18 am - Mrs Angel "So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." - Matthew 19:6 It has been 12 days since I am have changed my status to Mrs Angel - but it feels like it has been much longer, and I mean it in a positive way. The wedding Mass was awesome - very prayerful and sacred, the way I had so much wanted it to be. And the exchange of vows was just perfect. I couldn't have asked for more. God did not fail. And my Little Princess sang so beautifully. I was trying so hard not to tear when she proclaimed the Psalm, so as not to ruin my makeup! It brightens my day to wake up each morning with a morning kiss from my Angel and having a new MRT pal when I go to work. And being able to return to the same home every night without having to say goodbye. Ahhh....if only the honeymoon period would never end...heh. I really thank God for my darling Angel and for bestowing on me this honour to be his wife. My happiness is now complete. :) Current Mood: happy

(2 lamenting | Lament!)

September 17th, 2009

12:52 am - Countdown 9 days more....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The exclaimation is because I realised just yesterday that we don't have a wedding car cos our !@#$%^&* driver ran away. :( God says not to panic. He will send me a chariot (whatever that means)! I sure hope it comes with white horses. Meanwhile, I shall hold my head high and sing : "Find rest, my soul IN CHRIST ALONE Know His power in quietness and trust... When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with You above the storm Father You are King over the flood I will be still, know you are God." (I like the Hillsongs version - the super rowdy one with drums and all, which usually resembles my life, more so than the subdued and booooring Don Moen version. I should get Angel to do an upbeat version - I can SO imagine him going wild on the electric guitar and drums.) + + + + + + "Be still, and know that I am God" - Psalm 46:10 Current Mood: awake Current Music: Still (Hillsongs version, please!)

(1 lamenting | Lament!)

September 15th, 2009

12:11 am - Let Your Light Shine! Laetare has resorted to praying for the printer, and that God's anointing will fall on the printer. Yes, "printer" as in the machine that prints on paper. Angel is quite used to the fact that his wife-to-be prays for inanimate objects. Except that in this case, we are depending on the inanimate object to animate the cover of our Mass booklet. May the light shine at the right spot so that our logo will be illuminated! This image from Genesis 1:3-4 comes to mind : "And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good..." Ooh, I can wait to see the cover of our Mass booklet. It's a dream come true! And I so love the Bible verse - the verse says it all. As I was reflecting on that Bible verse yesterday night, I reached a moment of epiphany. It was like the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle finally fitted in as I suddenly remembered when the journey to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony first started in 2001, way before Angel and I even knew each other existed, and one thing I realised is - He didn't fail. And I remembered the Sunday in the aftermath of my darkest moment, we sang "Holy Darkness" and I drew hope from this verse : "In your deepest hour of darkness I will give you wealth untold. When the silence stills your spirit, will my riches fill your soul." Indeed He has. Alleluia! Current Mood: hungry Current Music: East of Eden

(Lament!)

July 1st, 2009

11:59 pm - In His Time... Laetare has turned serial blogger lately. Her no. 1 source of solace is the Word of God, and verses keep popping out everyday. It's like the push mail from my BB...the verses just keep coming my way! Today's Word came from a forwarded email from a church friend and is from Ecclesiastes 3 and I went home and read the whole Chapter 3 and picked my favourite verses: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: .... A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; .... A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; .... He hath made every thing beautiful in his time." :) Current Mood: hopeful

(1 lamenting | Lament!)

12:01 am - :'-( If Angel collects S$1 for every "I am so sad" he hears, he is going to be able to buy a pair of nice leather wedding shoes in no time. Today's verse is from Romans 8:28 - 39. Incidentally, it's one of the wedding readings though we didn't select it (or maybe I did, but it was second choice). But the words screamed out to me : "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose... He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?..." And my favourite line : I wrote the verse on the sands of the Bali Padma beach during my second visit, and found it to be very therapeutic. It was the best I could do before the tide came to wash away the writing. And in the process of scrawling a Bible verse on a sandy beach, I nearly got picked up by a Bali toy boy until Jen came to my rescue. :) Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: East of Eden

(2 lamenting | Lament!)

June 30th, 2009

12:23 am - 1 Samuel 16 One of my favourite chapters in the Bible is 1 Samuel 16. While I was in the midst of composing a SMS to Jen in the MRT, I don't know why, but suddenly the image of Samuel came to mind, and I remember that scene when one by one, Jesse's sons walked past him and he was waiting for God's sign as to who he is to anoint. When I went home, and was looking through a particular list, that same image came to mind and I cannot but help feel like Samuel as I went through that list and recall how my plans keep getting messed up - by an esteemed distant relative. :( What was God trying to tell me? Well, when I read verse 1 of my favourite chapter, it could not have come at a more appropriate time. It was like God was telling me to stop looking so sorrowful. It's time to stop mourning and be on my way. The conductor always has the last say and we are to watch His directions and not do our own thing! The music must go on... As I stand at the crossroads tonight, I came to realise with humility and gratitude, that God wanted to offer Angel and I so much, if only I could just for once LET GO and let HIM take control. So dearest God, into Your loving hands we commend our dreams. Let our marriage be Your "David". During that sacred moment as Angel and I exchange our vows on our wedding day, we pray that the very fullness of Your anointing will be with us all the days of our married lives, and from that day forward, may this be the start of an anointed generation...that every single one of our descendants (from our children to our children’s children and beyond) will be very anointed and will do great things for You. (And no, I didn't compose that prayer on the spot, it was in my heart since 2008.) Current Mood: sad Current Music: East of Eden

(2 lamenting | Lament!)

June 29th, 2009

01:04 am - Devastated My joy in arriving back in Singapore lasted all but half an hour as the bad news was broken to me in the car. I was in shock, not believing that it has happened again. Right now as the news have finally sank in, and the tears dried up, I know it is time to move forward. We are back again at the crossroads. And I cannot cannot put into words how devastated I am feeling. It is so ironic that the thing that means the most to me for this upcoming wedding, aside from getting married to Angel, is the very one thing that has caused me much grief and tears. No matter how much it pains me to think of what it COULD HAVE BEEN, I remind myself of Angel's comforting words that there may be a higher purpose for this to happen. One which at this stage I cannot understand nor do I have an inkling as to why this is happening. This time, I will step forward, in faith, and believe that God is in control. And it dawned on me that as much as I long for a ceremony that is solemn, sacred AND anointed, I would think that God would want that for me. And this I believe. And this time, I will surrender all and take a step back and watch God do His work. And so I will wait for this prophecy to happen : "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." - John 2:10 Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: East of Eden

(Lament!)

May 14th, 2009

01:04 am - At the end of the aisle I met up with my florist, and she wanted an idea of what sort of flower decorations I would like (besides, of course, PINK flowers). Sorry, I am colour blinded – aside from the colour pink, I cannot think of anything else. So to help me along, she asked, “What do you hope to see when you walk into church?” Instinctively, I pointed to Angel, “Him!” I think she was almost tempted to go “Duh”, but probably held back. “And what else?” she queried. “The people, lots of people!” I replied. Seeing that she is not getting anyway, she asked, “Do you hope to see a garden, or a fairytale scene?” “I never thought of that” was my unhelpful reply. Later, I told Angel that as long as the flowers look nice (and are pink), I am fine. I am not really particular about how the flowers are done up, so long as they are not ugly, otherwise I will have to try hard not to frown. :P But really, what I hope to see at the end of the aisle is Angel, smiling from ear to ear (and probably feeling very tempted to give me a wave). :) I have always imagined walking down the aisle on my wedding day something like walking towards God and coming face to face with Him for that very first time. After all, a wedding celebration on this earth is supposed to be a reflection (but perhaps a poor one) of that heavenly feast in Heaven, and the image of we the church being the bride who is united to God the bridegroom is often used in the Bible. Of course, some people may prefer to run up to God. Me, I have always imagined myself walking slowly, step by step, in awe. And in me will be that overwhelming feeling that “Wow, this IS the moment that I have waited for so long!” and as I come face to face with God, I will just have tears of joy streaming down my cheeks as I walk up to embrace Him. :) “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” - 1 Corinthians 13:12 Current Mood: awake

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